K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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