dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
