Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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