he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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