fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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