between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
