O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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