I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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