Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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