Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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