Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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