there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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