I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize