How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
