i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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