if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
