Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
