So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
