just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
