this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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