I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then the night went full on bisexual.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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