You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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