I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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