is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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