What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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