yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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