I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
