i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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