well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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