i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
