My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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