Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
