end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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