Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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