she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize