when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
