The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
