So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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