awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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