Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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