a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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