if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize