i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
