i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
