dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come share oat with me in your robe
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
