i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
