We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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