Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
