Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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