yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
