i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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