Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
