I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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