We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
