thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
