How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
