so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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