What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
