I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
