i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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