I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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