I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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