I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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