Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
