I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
