Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
