party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
