Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
