why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
