my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please come you make the beer taste better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
