How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize