Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
